iBlog

I know that my existence isn't reliant on others. On the validation from others. Yet when I've spent...well over 4 years pursuing a career in Media....it's very much so. The validity of my choices and life path, rests on my success, which in a career in media, is fame and recognition. So when I am not recognized or validated by others, it in turn destroys the choices I've made. Like dropping out. I tell anyone that'll listen to STAY IN SCHOOL. But see, that always comes from one who made that choice and is hurting badly. One who is successful could not recommend it enough. I hear about all these entrepreneurs making money from all these weird ways. All these odd tricks. And in ways, I feel like I've done everything. Not that I've tried it all, and of course not "everything". But that which I could have done I know I know, there's so many excuses and no one cares. Not a soul cares. Maybe not a soul is reading this. But, it's a very diff...

The world is against me. Crazy really. That's victimization at its core. But if I list all I've endured, one might think it too. For starters, half my body is broken. wooo i'm "lucky to be alive" but what good is life if this is the ending result. How can I have success in media without the validation from others? I've studied / learned so much spirituality, and it teaches disconnecting from others and their perceptions of us. Yet in ways that's all my career is. My chosen career. I'm aware of that. That I chose this career. And its ensuing drama. But I didn't choose the shortcomings. It really puts it into perspective when people start Music / Tik Tok after me and already have far more plays & followers. Literally. Just saw someone with two videos that have hit over a million each. And they started maybe a month ago? Meanwhile I waste away at hundreds. literally hundreds. I've tried to avoid a pity party. I really have. I've avoided n...